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  That’s when Pops stopped talking to me like he used to do. We used to practice basketball together; and watch the games together but after Momz died we never had any father-son time anymore. All he did was go to work, and me and Nyla went to school; well Nyla was in a daycare back then, but everything was just different. And now, things are even worse because we’ve lost everything. I don’t know if I can really explain it; I just know that Pops wasn’t happy and I wasn’t either.

  ∞

  Not too long after Momz died, and Pops got fired, I noticed that he started drinking more often and it wasn’t the wine or champagne that he and Momz drank on a holiday or a special occasion. And if he thought I didn’t notice, then he had me messed up. Just ‘cause I was eleven years old at the time, it didn’t mean that I didn’t know what was going on. Maybe I didn’t understand everything that was going on with him, but I knew he was drinking more than he used to.

  Me and my little sister were left to do stuff for ourselves in a lot of ways. At first, I really didn’t sweat it because Pops said he would have another job real soon. He wouldn’t let us down. He had always been a good dad, and there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me and Nyla. Momz used to brag to Mrs. Tillman and some of her friends at church about how great a dad Brad (Pops’ name) was; and how good of a husband he was to her.

  For me, I guess you can say one of the first signs that made me think we were in really big trouble was when we had to move out of our house about a year and a half ago. Pops still hadn’t gotten another full-time job, only temporary jobs. One day, he sat me down and I thought we were going to have one of the father and son talks we used to have. But I was wrong, in a way. He did want to talk to me, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. He told me that money was short and he wasn’t making enough on the temporary jobs so we had to move into an apartment. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so bad but when I had to sleep on an air mattress in the new apartment, We had to put some of our furniture in storage, and Pops sold some of it. We only kept a sofa, Momz and Pops king sized bed, and a couple of chairs. That was all the apartment could hold.

  The killer part that made me angrier than I had ever been with my Pops was when he sold my PlayStation and Xbox to somebody who lived in one of the apartments upstairs. We had to move from a four-bedroom spread in Collierville into a cramped one-bedroom apartment in South Memphis. I hated it, but right now, I would give anything to be back in that apartment.

  What had happened to saving and putting money aside for a rainy day? I wish I could answer that question, especially since Pops used to always talk to me about the importance of a man working hard and taking care of his family. So much for that.

  Chapter 5

  “Nyl, Nyl he’s our man, if he can’t do it, nobody can,” the cheerleaders sang. “Go Bulldogs, go bulldogs, go…” they burst into another cheer.

  I don’t know what it was but tonight on the court, I was colder than a bucket of ice. I had missed three jump shots, two layups, plus had a foul. If I didn’t turn things around the second half of the game, I already knew I would have to face the wrath of Coach Byrd. He was already mad at me so I was gonna be in for a good tongue-lashing from dude if I didn’t get it together. Coach was strict, and at times, I couldn’t stand him, but I had to admit he knew his basketball.

  After halftime, I came back straight. I made up for my first-half poor performance. Sometimes you just have a slow start or a bad night. But I was glad that I was able to get it together and start hooping like I knew I could, even though we still lost, and only by two points. But Coach said a loss is a loss no matter how few points.

  Maybe I could have done better, but it was hard trying to play a physical sport like basketball when I haven’t had a decent meal in God knows when. Anyway, the good thing is I ended up scoring sixteen points, getting a few rebounds, locked my man up, and made six assists.

  “You keep that up, you’re going to go places,” Coach Byrd told me after the game when we were walking off the court. Yeah, that was good news to my ears. I wanted to go to college, play ball, and then get drafted by the NBA. I was determined to work my butt off to get there too, well until all this stuff happened with Pops.

  “But I think I need to have to have a word with your parents about you having to bring your sister to practice. It’s just not going to work, son,” Coach explained and patted me on the back. “You can’t give it your all if you have to worry about what your little sister is doing while you practice. It’s impossible.”

  I stopped and I don’t know what kind of look I gave Coach, but I’m sure I looked crazy or stupid, or something. “Coach, please, you can’t do that,” I practically begged. “I mean, I promise I won’t bring her again. I’ll talk to my Pops; and he’ll work something out. Plus, Coach it’s not like it happens all the time; and he did come and get her before we left for the game. Please, Coach.”

  “Were your parents here tonight?” Coach asked and looked around the emptying gymnasium.

  “No, uhhh, my Pops came and got my sister and then he…he had to…he had to go get her something to eat and…,” I kept stuttering because I couldn’t think of what to say. The truth was Pops couldn’t afford to spend ten dollars to come to my game. That money could buy us some sandwich meat or something to eat off the fast food menu.

  “What about your mother?”

  Here we go. I had to tell him. I didn’t like talking about Momz. It was hard to tell people that she was dead, but I had no choice this time: I had to tell Coach.

  “She…my mom died when I was eleven,” I managed to say. I hoped my eyes weren’t tearing up like I was a little girl or something. Pops told me that real men don’t cry and I was a man; maybe I wasn’t a grown man just yet, but I was a man in my own eyes so I had to act like it.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Nyl. I didn’t know. Look,” Coach sounded like he wasn’t as mad anymore. “Maybe I can talk to your Pops and hook him up with a couple of people I know who might be able to look after your sister when he has to work late. As a matter of fact, I know the couple who run that daycare center around the corner over on Berta Street.”

  “Uh, I’ll tell him about it, Coach. But he told me this morning that his shift is about to change,” I lied again. “So he’ll be getting off work early, so I won’t have to babysit anymore.”

  Coach looked at me strange, but he didn’t say anything else about it. Whew, that was a close call. I didn’t want him asking twenty questions. But I also knew that something was going to have to give. I was going to have to tell somebody about my situation. Maybe I could tell Zach. Me and Zach had been buds for a minute, so part of me felt like I could trust him. Then again, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll keep things just like they are for a little while longer. Pops said the other day that he was going to try to get another spot for us to live. Man, I sure hope he can find us another place soon, real soon.

  As I was leaving out the locker room and headed for the bus to go back to Fairley, I caught a glimpse of Sierra from the corner of my eye. Yeah, that girl definitely had it going on.

  Coach Byrd walked up on me and some of the other players. Man, why couldn’t dude go talk to one of them? Instead, he stops me. I shook my head slightly.

  “Uh, that’s cool, Coach.” Truth is I hadn’t heard a word he said.

  “Cool?” What? What are you talking about? Where’s your mind, as if I don’t already know?” I followed Coach’s eyes as he looked at Sierra then back at me. “You can’t seem to take your eyes off that young lady over there.” Coach looked over where Sierra and her girls were gathering in front of the school bus. He stopped walking just as we were about to get on the bus and head back to Fairley.

  “She’s aight, but I…I have to keep my mind on balling.”

  “Y’all betta get your mind off the girls and keep focused,” Coach said. “I saw y’all boys checking out those cheerleaders, not just her. Now, I don’t know if you call yourself messing around with her or not, but I will tell you this, you bette
r be glad you came back strong tonight, son. If you hadn’t, you would have had all the time in the world to watch her – right from the bench.”

  “Yes, sir,” I answered and got on the bus. Coach was right, but he just didn’t know: girls weren’t my problem. Having a place to lay my head, and some real food in my stomach would go a long way to solving a lot of my problems.

  Chapter 6

  Sierra came over to where I was sitting on the bus. “Can I sit here for a minute?” she asked Tony, the forward on the team who was sitting next to me. Tony laughed and got up. Sierra sat next to me. Usually the cheerleaders sat in the back of the bus but Sierra acted like she made her own rules. She did whatever Sierra wanted to do.

  “You played good tonight, Nyl,”

  “Thanks, but we still lost the game so I don’t think I played hard enough,” I said looking around to see if Coach was watching me; but he was talking to the assistant coaches, which was good. I caught a couple of the other players pointing and laughing, but I bet they wished they were in my shoes right about now.

  “So, will you call me tonight?” she asked.

  “I don’t have your phone number. I told you, I lost all of my contacts when I lost my old phone and I’m not in a good mood anyway. It doesn’t feel good to lose, Sierra.” Ugh, how long was I going to be able to keep this up? “And anyway, I don’t know. I have a lot…a lot of homework.” Another lie. I did most of my homework during my free period because once I left school there was no guarantee I would be able to get on the computer at the library. And if I did, there were days where there was a long line of people waiting to get on the library computers.

  “So you’re saying homework is more important than talking to me?”

  I looked at her and boy it was like every time I saw her I could picture Rihanna and hear her singing to me. I liked her Rude Boy video. I sometimes imagined that I was next to her being her rude boy, you know. Enough of talking about Rihanna. I had to make Sierra understand that I really wanted to talk to her, but I couldn’t make a move until things got right with my life.

  “If I don’t want to get in trouble at home and with Coach then I have to keep my grades up. You know that,” I explained to Sierra.

  “You won’t get in any trouble, Nyl and you know it. If you don’t want to call me, just say it,” she said sounding like she was sad.

  “Look, Sierra, you know wassup. And I do wanna get with you, but I can’t stay on the team if I don’t maintain at least a C average, but then again by you being so smart, I guess you don’t worry about stuff like that, huh?” It was the best I could come up with. She sure felt good sitting next to me. I hoped I wasn’t sweaty, but then again if I was, she sure didn’t act like I was. “And…” I kept on lying. “This phone I got now, I have to share the minutes with my dad, so I can’t be calling and texting like I used to. He breathes down my neck like a vampire or something.”

  “Still, you can text me. That is if you really want to talk to me. Don’t you like me anymore, Nyl?”

  Like her? Was she crazy? Of course, I liked her. What boy in his right mind wouldn’t like Sierra James? “Yeah, I like you. It’s not that. Look, give me your number and I’ll hit you up when I get home.” Pops would have to be mad because somehow someway I was going to text Sierra tonight. My reputation was at stake; and if Pops didn’t want anybody knowing about our situation, he needed to realize that I had to do what I had to do to keep my friends from getting suspicious about me.

  Sierra reached inside her purse and pulled out her cell phone. “Okay, what’s your number?” she asked.

  Here goes, I thought. What was I going to do? “Uh, give me your number, and when I get home, I’ll put it in my phone. Write it down on something.”

  Sierra opened her purse and took out a pen and a piece of paper, and wrote her number on it.

  “Don’t lose it this time, Nyl.”

  “Girl, I’m not going to lose it.” Pops would just have to be mad because I was gone text Sierra. I was not about to miss out on hooking up with her again. I would have to deal with the trouble I was getting myself into later.

  “Good, you got it, she said. Then she leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I’ll talk to you later.” I thought I was going to pass out. Her breath smelled like strawberry bubble gum and it was warm against my ear. She got up and went back to join the rest of the cheerleaders. I turned around because I heard my teammate Marcus who was sitting behind me, laughing. I nodded at him like I was the man. I guess to them I was, but if only they knew.

  ∞

  I got off the bus and went straight to the gym to take a hot shower. It was one of the ways I was able to keep clean, and none of my teammates was suspicious because it wasn’t unusual for some of the players to shower before putting their school clothes back on. There were other times when me, Pops and Nyla had to take showers whenever we were fortunate enough to get a room at a cheap hotel. If we missed out on that, we snuck inside hotel bathrooms and even a time or two we washed up inside of a Wal-Mart. It was a trip the way we thought of ways to live.

  After I got through showering and getting dressed, I walked outside the gym to see if I could spot Pops but he was nowhere to be found. There were still plenty of people on the school parking lot standing around and some were sitting inside cars.

  Forget it. I sat on some side steps out of sight of Coach and the rest of the kids because I didn’t want to be bothered with questions about how I was going to get home, or if I needed a ride, and on and on. And since we lost the game - again, I wasn’t in the best of moods, not to mention that I was still hungry.

  I don’t know where she came from, but next thing I know Sierra is standing in front of me with a curious smile on her face. I looked around to see if her little female posse was with her but she was alone. “Why are you over here in the cut by yourself?”

  “Whuzzup, Sierra? What you still doing here? Where your friends at?”

  “I’m waiting on my brother. He’s over there somewhere talking to his girlfriend,” she said and pointed toward the front of the school. “So whuzzup with you?”

  “I’m waiting on my Pops to get here. I don’t wanna be bothered right now. I feel lousy about the game. I already told you.”

  “And I told you that you did good.”

  “Yeah,” I shrugged. “Whateva.”

  “Tell me something?” she said.

  “What?”

  “Are you really going to call me?”

  “Didn’t I tell you I would? Soon as I get home and finish my homework. Anyway, we talking now.” I sort of raised my voice at her, but dang, she was pushing me, and my stomach was growling, it was cold outside, and I wanted to be somewhere where I could sleep.

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about.”

  “See what?” I asked her.

  “You yelling at me.”

  “I’m sorry, okay?”

  “It’s just that sometimes you act like you like me and then the next minute you act like, well you act just like you’re acting now. Like you don’t want to be bothered.”

  I didn’t wanna hear what Sierra was talking about, not now. Of course, I liked her, but I bet she wouldn’t feel the same about me if she found out about me living in a Yukon. Anyway, she was getting on my nerves. I told her I was going to call her and now she was back in my face asking a million and one questions. She was definitely not a shy girl; not like Daisha. Daisha would never be caught acting as bold as Sierra. I stood up and looked around to see if Pops had drove up, but I still didn’t see him.

  “Look, Sierra, You know how it is. Losing a game isn’t a good feeling.”

  “But I told you, you played good tonight. It isn’t your fault we lost. You can’t do it by yourself you know.”

  She had a point. The whole team needed to be focused and tonight we just weren’t gelling as a team. I looked at Sierra real hard. Dang, I can’t help it; the girl looks like Rihanna. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Rihanna is my girl. “
Thanks, Sierra, but shouldn’t you be going?” I looked past her again and that’s when I saw Pops from a short distance driving up on the lot. “Where you say your peeps at?”

  “Up at the front of the school somewhere,” she answered.

  “Well, I see my Pops is about to pull up, so I’m out.”

  “Kiss me before you go,” she said and then moved in front of me, blocking my way.

  “What did you say?” I had to be sure I had heard her right. She wanted me to kiss her?

  “I said, kiss me, that is if you aren’t gay,” Sierra said putting one hand on her hip.

  Did she just call me gay? “What did you just say?” I asked her because I had to be sure this girl didn’t just try to check me by calling me gay. She better watch out ‘cause she was really trying me by calling me gay. Now, I was really tripping.

  Dang, where was Pops? I looked over Sierra’s head and saw my Pops. He was stuck behind a line of cars still trying to get on the parking lot.

  “I said, you must be gay cause you’re just standing there looking all around like you scared,” she repeated.

  “Girl, that’s effed up.” She had me furious, calling me gay. “I can show you betta than I can tell you. Ain’t nothing gay about me.”

  I wasn’t scared of nothing and nobody, specially some girl. So I stepped up to her, leaned over, and gave her a kiss on her lips. Sierra wasn’t having it, though because she wrapped her arms around me and then pressed her lips against mine, and put her tongue inside my mouth. Now, I ain’t gone lie, I haven’t had much experience when it comes to kissing. To be honest, the only time I had kissed a girl was back in seventh grade, and that was just a peck on the lips like I tried to give Sierra. But this kiss was way different. Sierra’s lips tasted sweet and they were soft like cotton candy. I imagined I was kissing Rihanna. Her tongue moved around inside my mouth and that’s when I felt my body reacting to her, and I kissed her back like I’d been doing this all my life.